Well folks, I’m just going to tell it to you straight: I’ve hardly done any writing at all in longer than I like to think about, let alone any good writing. I let myself get into a bad head-space, and lacked the drive even to remind myself of why I push myself in any endeavor. When I sat down to write today’s blog, I tried to dredge up a topic in my mind, so that it would look like I had been working and learning and being productive. But as I scrambled to think of a nugget of wisdom to share with you all, an unbidden thought drifted into my mind and stuck there: “Don’t you want to be honest with your life?”
My first answer, quite frankly, was “No, not really.” I would much rather project an image to my followers of a highly dedicated, intrinsically motivated power woman who never has bad days.
Insert unladylike snort here. I am none of those things. What I am is a basic twenty-something who doesn’t have a clue about anything; but who is on a journey to accept myself and my circumstances for what they are, rather than trying to force them to be what I think they ought to be. And while it may not be comfortable at first, a big part of that acceptance lies in being honest, with myself and with others, because covering up certain aspects of myself is the opposite of accepting them. Until we accept our flaws and stop trying to pretend they don’t exist, none of us have a hope of moving beyond them. When I think of honesty in those terms, my answer to the original question becomes, “Yes, I absolutely DO want to be honest!” Honesty may not be easy, especially public honesty, but it is always good.
So there you have it. I’m being honest with you today. And now that I’ve accepted the fact that I foolishly allowed myself to get into a bad head-space, I can find in myself the ability to move beyond it by buckling down and putting words on paper. I’m going to be trying out a number of different strategies for getting out of the creative doldrums, and next week I will share with you the strategies that worked. I’m looking forward to it.